This campsite suits me to a T,
It's got everything I love to see!
A flowing stream, a sprawling tree,
A hill to climb, oh ecstasy!

Just one more thing will make it great:
I pull out my phone to check, but wait!
T-mobile - not a single bar.
Sprint? Hah! I should dream so far.
US Cellular? Not a glimmer.
This campsite's prospects are looking dimmer.

There's one last chance: I suppress a groan
As I pull out my other phone.
Et tu, Verizon, my stalwart friend?
Even you desert me in the end?

No calls, no texts, and much worse yet,
No way to connect to the Internet!
How will I function, how will I think,
Without Google or Yahoo or even Bing!?

My emails will sit around unread;
My Facebook friends will think I'm dead!
I'll fall behind on my YouTube feed!
This campsite sucks, it's got nothing I need!

I can do without shelter or food, I bet,
Just don't ask me to live without Internet!
Y'know, that Walmart parking lot's looking good --
I get 4 bars in that neighborhood!